I hit a milestone this week. Well, actually it was Emma's milestone, but that makes it mine too, right?
On Tuesday night, I watched my first baby walk across the stage and receive her certificate for completing the 5th grade. They called it a "Moving Up" celebration. I cried as I watched it all. And I also felt a little confused. Like, how did I get here? How did she get this old? More importantly, how did I get this old??? I looked at Ryan while we were sitting there, and said "What are we doing here?" He said he didn't know. I sure as heck didn't know either. But the Moving Up was happening.
I mean, when did I get old enough to have a kid going into middle school? No one seems to know. A few months ago, right before Christmas, Emma announced that she wanted to wear clothes from Aeropostale. Huh?? How did she even know what that store was? So I went in there a few days later to look around. At that point, I was still confused. What should I buy? What am I even doing in here?? So I looked at the poor little boy working in the store. And I said to him, "Do I LOOK old enough to have a KID who shops here???" Do you know what he said? He said, "Umm... No, Ma'am." Oh Lord have mercy, he called me Ma'am. He may as well think I'm 90.
Clearly I have issues with aging. The 35 I'll be turning this summer is feeling a lot older than my current 34. But I'm tellin' ya, this middle school thing is making me feel OLD! Maybe it's not so much that I can't believe how old I am. Maybe it's that life keeps moving on, and my kids keep growing up, whether I'm ready for it or not. It's not that I don't trust Emma. She's an amazing young woman, and she is ready for middle school. She is capable of so much! I think it's ME that I worry about. Am I ready for this? Will I be all that she needs me to be during this new phase of her life? Those are some of our deepest fears as parents, aren't they? I guess I just need to trust that God will continue to make me who He wants me to be, and that will be enough. I'll keep pressing on, running my race. Because no matter my age, I'm still Moving Up, too.
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