Thursday, February 19, 2009

Cleanest Fam on the Block

Kids are always asking for a story. Sometimes it's hard to think of one.
So today, I will tell a tale called "Our First Family Butt-Vacuuming."

Let's assume it happened last night. Not that this ever happened. But, if it did, it would have happened like this.....


"Honey I need the vacuum!" Hubby calls.

WOW! I think, he must want to clean. OR, toddler has spilled crap all over.

So I rush the vacuum in.

"I need to vacuum Emma's butt," Hubby proclaims.

The story unfolds before my eyes...

He pulls out the hose attachment, turns the vacuum on, and dives for Emma on the couch. Emma screams and won't budge. Ryan tries to tackle her off the couch, and shove the hose on her (fully clothed) bottom. Clara and John are both laughing and screaming.

He dives for the other two kids, and starts going after their butts, too. Then he moves on to the toddler's head, and stomach.

I turn away in disbelief, But there is more to come......
When I turn my eyes back to the room, husband is standing in front of a window, vacuuming his own butt. The room is in an uproar.

I can't believe he didn't realize the window isn't covered.......
I start making mental plans to move to another state IMMEDIATELY......

Hubby kneels on floor and tells kids, "Watch the canister to see if anything comes in!" And then sticks the attachment in his belly button.

(Is there possibly even just ONE other man on this planet who thinks he might have enough belly button lint to see it fly into a vacuum cleaner???)

The kids vacuumed their heads and stomachs. Then they went to bed.
There have never been cleaner kids that showed up at school.
Well, at least there wouldn't be if this had ever happened. :)










5 comments:

Stefani said...

That is too funny! My kids love when I chase them with the vacuum, but I have never thought about vacuuming their behinds! Leave it to Ryan! :)

Amanda Chamberlain said...

I am literally LOL. My mother used to chase me with the vacuum hose, but she never went for my bottom. Leave it to Ryan!

Joyful Noise said...

Too funny - I found your blog from a comment you posted on Dandelion Dayz - don't know if you remember...I thought my son was the only one that embarassed me with his singing.

Your kids aren't going to want to take baths after that cleaning the vacuum sounds like more fun!!!

Janel@Dandelion Dayz said...

You are not right, girl!!!!

jen@odbt said...

That must have been quite a sight! I also have a husband who does this with the kids. Have they gotten "haircuts" with the vacuum? Kind of like the flo-bee. It' cracks our kids up every.single.time.