So it's going to storm here starting tomorrow night.
I mean, a REAL storm. Ice, sleet, and S-N-O-W. REAL snow, supposedly. Not the 14 minutes of flurries that make our schools shut down early.
(If you are a Northerner, I'm sure the thought of schools closing because of a few minutes of flurries has you laughing so hard that you're about to pee your pants.....)
ANYhoo. Everyone and their dog has already been to the store to stock up on essentials. You know, MILK and BREAD? I heard that by early afternoon today, the grocery stores were wiped out, and there was no milk or bread to be had.
So I made a strategy of my own. I'm waiting until tomorrow morning, when they've gotten new shipments of bread in. And then, I will casually waltz in, and buy every last loaf of sandwich bread on those shelves. I will take those loaves home, and list them on Craigslist for $8 per loaf. And then I will go shopping with all the money that I made off of the crazy fools who bought all the bread.
Because apparantly, North Carolinians eat toast and sandwiches the entire time they are snowed in during a storm. It's the only logical explanation. Why else, upon hearing that you may be stuck indoors for the next few days, would one's first reaction be, "I MUST go get bread!"
Is there no chili, no stew, no roast to be found in these homes? No chicken 'n dumplins to be had? Who would eat sandwich bread with chicken 'n dumplins anyways? That's what biscuits are for, my friends. THAT is what biscuits are for.
And the milk? Is there no orange juice in their homes? No Coke? No tea? No Peppermint Schnapps to dump into the hot cocoa??
Do YOU run our for bread and milk before bad weather? If so, please explain. And, enjoy your sandwiches. I'll be thinking of you with a smile as I lick the last of my stew.
The Perfect Beachy Pullover
14 hours ago